My husband and I have recently become homeowners, and it has been a real blessing. My brother has recently re-enlisted with the United States Navy and got orders for recruitment in Staten Island. We currently live on Long Island and since his apartment was not ready to be moved into we decided he could live with us for a few weeks before moving to Brooklyn. With three adults and a large dog, it is pretty tight but we have managed, and my husband has been a saint about the situation. I currently work 12-13 hour days and am out of the house a majority of my day while my husband is a schoolteacher who works 2 miles from home. My husband tends to call me every day around the same time saying how my brother hasn’t left the house, there is a pile of laundry, there are dirty dishes in the sink, and I usually become annoyed with these conversations. Instead of coming to me with problems, how about coming to me with solutions. Since it is my little brother, I tend to enable his bad behavior and just clean up after him, and it is taking a toll on my relationship with my husband.
As soon as I walk in the door, I already have an attitude because I am prepared to be doing laundry and cleaning for the next two hours and I snap at my husband. I have a sense of entitlement since I feel I work harder and longer hours and he should pick up some of the slack. These arguments are causing us to go to bed angry and have us continue being upset with one another. I know that this situation isn’t forever, but it seems that way.
What can help us resolve the conflict is to come up with some type of agreement and to also have a conversation with my brother. For someone who is at home ninety percent of the day should be able to clean up after himself. The three of us must sit down and come up with some solution for us to work together. I also need to keep my outbursts to a minimum. I tend to jump down my husband’s throat and say things I truly do not mean and once I say it I can no longer take it back. I must think before I speak and ensure my reactions are positive and not hurting someone else’s feelings or their character.
Oh man. You are in such a tough spot. I can't imagine how hard it must be for you to be in that spot. I am sure it is hard to come home to work after you get off work. We had my husband's best friend stayed with us for a week and I was getting annoyed with the stuff he would leave laying around. We also had my mom,sister, mother in law and grandmother in law at our house for three days over Christmas. It was so hard to keep open communication on things because I was afraid to cause problems that were unnecessary. My mother in law had mentioned that some towels needed to be washed. It was two dishtowels. I told her we would get to it when we no longer had anyone over. She then went to my husband and told him. I only found out because I heard the washer going. I was so annoyed. I told my husband and he said "I'll tell her something, but just realize once I do, you have to be prepared for what's to come after. Is it worth it?" I was so frustrated, but he was right.
ReplyDeleteI think you have a really great perspective on it all though. It seems like you already have figured out how to fix the issue. I hope you guys are able to fix it so the stress eases up!